One quick swoop

I stepped out for a bit. At the last minute, I joined my family for a trip to China. Since my brother's never been, my parents decided to take him on a basic group tour. We haven't had a family trip since who knows when.

At the time I bought the plant ticket, I decided that I might as well since no job offer was near. Suddenly, the day before the trip, I got an offer. I tried to negotiate a little, first on vacation, next on stock options, then on job title, but the HR person wouldn't budge. What I don't understand is that if none of these things are negotiable, then why even ask me what benefits I got at my previous jobs? It would seem she already had her mind made up.

I felt a little at a disadvantage knowing that I was leaving the next day. Normally, I would have liked to mull over the details for a day or two and get advice from friends. Compared to my last jobs, I'm taking a 9% pay cut, one week less vacation, a job title two steps below my previous job, and the rest is about par. On the other hand, my commute is now 12 minutes instead of one hour each way. If one were to count that commute time as part of work hours, I'm making up maybe $10,000 of my salary by being able to sleep in and get home a little earlier (assuming the hours in the office are comparable). I really do want to like this job, it's just a little frustrating to know I could be compensated better. I suppose if I don't like the job, I'll just switch in two years when the economy is better.

It is a relief to know I'll be working again. As much as I enjoy the free time, my mind craves a bit more challenge. I'm the type of person that needs some structure. Every one's dream is to be their own boss, but I'd have a hard time doing that at home. There are way too many distractions.

The trip was pretty good. The biggest concern both me and Tim had was how Mom and I would get along. The thought of being nagged 24/7 for 10 days wasn't appealing. For the most part, she behaved. The one time we had a fight was early in the trip. She came over to our hotel room while my brother was in the shower. We chatted and I mentioned that I hoped to find a little something for Tim. My mother immediately questioned why I would do that. She reasoned that guys don't care and don't need anything. I shouldn't be spending money when I don't have a job. Besides, she felt I already had too much stuff and didn't possibly have any space in the house for more junk.

This really made me mad considering we had just spent the day looking at inexpensive pearls to buy for my sister-in-law. My mom had been asking what my brother had been asked to buy for her. It felt really unfair that we should spend all this time thinking about the shopping list for everyone else and not Tim. After a few minutes of bickering, I got up and told her that I felt she was being totally unreasonable. I never said that I needed to buy something expensive for Tim, it could be something as cheap as $1. Also, I told her this is why I never tell her anything. When I can't even share a simple comment or thought without getting nagged or criticized, there's no reason to say anything. She retorted that she feels it's her right to express her opinion when I'm wrong. Great.

So, I stored out of the room. Unfortunately, I left knowing that I couldn't take the room key with me. It was in the slot that provides power to the room. I wasn't going to leave my brother to shower in the dark. I spent the next 10 minutes wandering the hotel hallways, hoping my mom would go back to her own room. Sure enough, just as I returned to the 8th floor, I heard a door shut. As I walked past my parents' room, I could hear her tell my dad that we had just fought and why. He immediately scolded her for doing so and ask her why she would do such a thing. Her explanation made it sound like she had done nothing wrong and she nervously laughed off the situation. My mom just doesn't get it.

The next day my dad encourage me to find something nice to give Tim. He's great. I don't know how he has the patience for my mom sometimes.

Finally, a couple quick notes about China:

1) Automobiles (especially buses) don't have to stop when making right hand turns; don't assume anything in the crosswalk no matter what the light says.

2) The Chinese have a sitcom which my dad described as their version of the Cosby show. It seemed strange to me to have a show with a family that included three children when Chinese couples can generally one have one. How do people related to the show?

3) The Chinese are learning to use trash cans. There are commercials and billboards trying to demonstrate the idea. As you may know, spitting and other mucus disposal actions are very common. One guy came over to the trash can behind us, pinched one nostril, and proceeded to blow out some mucus. It was not very appetizing. My brother was very disgusted by it all. I said, "at least he put it in the trash and not on the sidewalk." He agreed.

4) Being a flight attendant on a flight to/from China must be one of the worst jobs ever. A large Chinese tour group boarded my plane. When they boarded the plane, they talked loudly and bustled about trying to switch seats with each other. The attendants had a tough time getting them to sit down and buckle in so that we could depart. During the flight they constantly ignored the seat belt sign and announcements, having cell phones on, gathering in the aisles to chat, and using the restroom. During meal services, they never listened to what was being served. For example, the breakfast choices were eggs or noodles. The woman in front of me kept asking for rice. And this group was flying to five different cities during their tour of the U.S.?

5) When it comes to lines, one must be pushy or you'll never get anywhere.

Cat-ya

After all the time I've spent with my neighbor's cat, I can't help wonder what drives them. I've never been much of a pet person besides the random goldfish and beta that I kept as a teen. But how much do fish really count when they're really only good for looking at?

Larger animals likes cats and dogs truly interact. They remember you, they show anger, they show love. My dad had a family beagle and cat when he was young. You can tell when neighborhood pets visit he'll be friendly and playful with them. While I think he enjoyed having pets, he said pets were dirty.

My mother, on the other hand, is scared of anything that walks on all four and has a mind of its own. Seriously, my friend's cocker spaniel, Lady, took off into our house once and headed straight for the master bedroom where my parents were watching television. As I rushed down the hallway towards the room, I could hear a shrill voice exclaiming in terror as Lady happily greeted her newly found friends. While my mother cowered and panicked over the presence of the dog, my dad called summoned the dog to him and gave her a friendly pet on the head.

This past couple months is the most time I've ever spent with a cat. Loki is incredibly moody. Early on, it seemed he was always happy to lay down on the ground and allow me to stroke his belly. But there have been more and more days when he'll try to grab and bite my paws if I attempt to pet his underside. How am I supposed to know when it's okay or not okay to be rubbing his belly? Okay, maybe he's playing because he purrs the whole time, but, ouch, his claws and teeth are sharp.

When his family was out of town for several days, he was coming over all the time, not only during the day, but at night, meowing at the front door for attention. I came to understand why mothers have such a hard time when their infants keep crying. He grew so bold as to attempt to hop in my lap when I was squatting down to pet him. He'd proceed to snuggle his face into my hands or arms and position himself so he could take a nap. It was adorable that this animal trusted me enough to curl up and fall asleep on me.

Most days, he just wants to play. It's not that he even wants to play with me. He simply likes having a human around. If I go out to fetch the mail, he'll follow me. Sometimes he'll stay "undercover" by moving quickly from one shrub to another to keep up with me as I proceed down the sidewalk. Other times, he'll run along side and even dart directly in front of me so that I almost step on him. He's amazing obedient, not crossing the street until I encourage him to. Even though he wants to explore more of the new surroundings near the mailboxes, he'll come when I call that it's time to walk back.

During each of these activities, he'll have a variety of meows which I wish I understood. There's the obvious door call which either means "come out to play" or "I'm lonely let me in." When I first see him, I'm guessing he's say "hello." But there are other times, when he sits in my lap, or when I'm watching him play in the scrubs when I have no idea what he's trying to tell me. I feel like I need the equivalent of the DVD that teaches you how to distinguish between different baby cries.

Tim enjoy playing with Loki as well. I think he also finds it good for me to have a friend when I'm alone at home. Our neighbor's are supposed to move this summer when their house is complete. We'll be sad to see the cats go. Tim's asked what we'll do then. He's joked a couple times about kidnapping the cats but obviously that's not an option. While a cat would be fun, I'd feel bad forcing the cat to be outside since I'm allergic to them. Besides, there's no guarantee we'd find a cat with a personality similar to Loki's.

That was quick

Everything seems normal except for a bit of soreness and lower back pain. I temporarily gained a couple pounds after the Super Bowl party, but it's thankfully gone away. Still, my alien visitor has been AWOL so it seemed time to check something...

I went to the local drug store and debated which box to buy. I felt like a guilty teenager does when they go to the condom section for the first time trying to figure out which box to grab and not wanting to be noticed by other shoppers. Should I get the cheapest one, the 2-pack or 3-pack, the one that works faster, or the one that is more sensitive? After minutes of debate, I grabbed the 2-pack box that was one dollar cheaper than the other brands.

I followed the directions and waited for one minute. The pink, control line appeared. Next to it was a faint, second pink line. Neither Tim nor I knew what to make of it. He reread the directions to see if there was any comment about how to interpret our results.

Yes, the pregnancy test seems to indicate that we're going to have a baby. While we're happy, I guess we're still a little in denial. The blood test will be a more solid confirmation. I guess I'm also skeptical because everyone always talks about the side effects like morning sickness and I'm wondering why I'm not feeling anything unusual.

It's also surprising to see because I've been bombarded by this idea that it could take several months for us to conceive. We weren't even consciously trying when it happened. There's a small part of me that feels guilty because I know so many women out there are struggling to get pregnant.

I think I can best describe my feelings as cautiously happy. It's because I'm older, and I know the possibility of something going wrong is a little higher now. I don't want to say anything or commit myself to the idea until I know the baby is healthy.

Barista dreams

Before going to college, I always heard about student spending large amounts of time studying at cafes and developing a palette and addiction to coffee. My older cousin was a big fan of good coffee. So I went to a few cafes in my college career. I spent several evenings with a dorm friend trying to study at cafes and drinking mochas, but it never stuck. Granted, part of the problem was that I simply had poor study habits, but I also never felt the caffeine boost that other people swore they *needed* to survive.

Today, I basically like the taste of coffee, lattes and mocha especially, but I don't regularly crave it. When I'm at a nice restaurant and order a scrumptious dessert, I definitely feel a strong desire to complement it with a hot and fragrant coffee drink. I'll splurge once in awhile if I have a gift card for some local coffee shop.

When it was time to create a wedding registry, I debated whether to ask for something coffee related. Given the limited amount of kitchen counter space, I was not going to ask for anything that would eat up space and collect dust. I opted for this cool looking gadget called the Bialetti Mukka. It came in a sleek aluminum finish and a cute spotted cow pattern. Since it's a stove top espresso and milk pot, I thought it would be a good compromise to have something that would let me make the occasional latte but not take up a lot of space.

We received the mukka more than one month before the wedding. Tim said it was okay to open the package to know what we'd received and make sure that nothing was damaged. I agreed, however, that we could not open and use anything until after the wedding. Still, I browsed the instructions and read up on other people's reviews of the product. While it can work very well, the comments definitely made me concerned about the skill required to make the mukka work perfectly. I decided we should return it.

My reasoning was this. Since we don't drink coffee regularly, buying drinks from the store was a reasonable expense. Alternatively, I still have a very old Krups espresso machine sitting somewhere in my parents' garage. I earned it long ago when I worked at Crate & Barrel part-time as part of a sales contest. It's probably not as much the coffee drink as operating a fancy machine that appeals to me. Assuming that's true, I'm sure I'll be happy playing with the older "toy."

Just before the wedding, we received a heavy package from Costco. My dad's cousin sent us a beautiful, $300 espresso machine. While it was a very generous gift, we hadn't asked for it. If we drank coffee regularly, I would have had a blast playing with this espresso machine. But practical me, I returned it and applied the credit towards our banquet costs. The bad thing is that they've asked a few times how we like the machine. At the post-wedding brunch, she asked if we drink coffee and whether we'd tried the machine yet. She commented how they use it every morning and have saved a lot of money the past two years. When they sent us copies of the wedding photos they took, the card asked if we were getting the hang of using the espresso machine and to be patient because it takes practice. We don't want to hurt their feelings, but it sucks to have to lie about it.

When my parents came up for the wedding, I asked them to dig out the old espresso machine. It's nothing fancy, but it's still in very good condition and simple to use. I finally took it out this morning and cleaned it up. Calcium deposits had really built up inside the water tank, so I spent some 1.5 hours flushing the system with dilute vinegar and then several cycles of water. I wiped down all the parts and refreshed myself with all the dials and accessories that make the machine work. I picked up some decaf Peet's on my way back from hiking.

I wish I had taken a picture, but I must say that my first attempt at a soy mocha latte turned out great! I had my doubts about getting soy milk to froth because I thought the fat content mattered, but it really came out nice. I used an Irish coffee style glass mug. It showed off the beautiful chocolate color of the latte topped off with a two-inch high, ivory mountain of foam and tiny bits of chocolate settling on the bottom. I overloaded the foam just enough so I had to slurp up the foam that began to spill over the side. No store could have made it look better. The latte had a pleasant and mild taste. I can't wait to make a mocha latte for my hubby tonight to eat with my homemade triple-chocolate brownies. Hmmm, maybe Starbucks will take me if my other career plans fall through!

Up for air

Don't know if anyone's still out there, but I've returned for a little bit. I'm happy to say that I'm now married!

It was pretty those last few weeks before the big day. You always think you have more time and then suddenly you realize there are more things to do that weren't on the list. So yes, Tim and I spent every waking hour that wasn't spent at work, at home designing programs, sewing, typing up instructions, putting together gifts, handling last-minute requests.

The weather cooperated wonderfully. No one could have asked for more perfect weather. At the rehearsal, the sun felt like a heat lamp on the skin. Thankfully, the weather report was accurate in predicting that the temperature would drop to a very agreeable 74 F for Saturday. There was only the slightest breeze to blow papers, hair, or veils. Everyone was amazed at our beautiful backdrop.


The only wrenches thrown into the mix were the parents. Tim's family wanted to have a private lunch and did not want to come down to the hotel for photos in the morning. Because of this last-minute change, we did not think about the fact that the boutonnieres and corsages needed to be transported to the ceremony. Hence, only my family wore flowers during the wedding. We didn't realize this error until we got back to our hotel room and found a shopping bag full of flowers next to the door. Oops.

My mother was a more thorny problem. Basically, we accept the fact that she was looking for excuses to dislike Tim's family. (They aren't good enough for me in her eyes because they are a different ethnicity and she strongly holds to old country prejudices.) The rehearsal dinner was a nightmare. The Chinese banquet place essentially tried to squeeze out a little more money by short-changing my mother-in-law. We had been promised four tables seating about 10 people each. Instead, they squeezed us into three 12-15 person tables. Then they proceeded to only serve enough food for 10-12 people. My mother immediately came over and yelled at me for embarrassing her in front of the relatives.

Being at my breaking point from general wedding stress, I couldn't help but start crying. I lost my appetite for half the meal. It took numerous conversations between my dad, my mother-in-law, her Chinese friend, and my aunt before my mom could at least calm down. Did it even occur to her how much she was embarrassing me by making such a fuss? I think she blames my in-laws for being cheap rather than realizing the restaurant manager was trying to pull a fast one. I don't think I saw her smile all night. Thank goodness for my reasonable, patient, and loving father.

There's never enough time to talk to everyone, but I feel like I was at least able to say a few words to all my friends over the course of the evening. Tim and I did our best to make sure that we ate most of our dinner. We managed to stay on schedule and still have fun.

More details later...

STREESSSSS

Major stress week in progress. I had a Klondike bar, tater tots, and some red flame grapes for dinner. Not too healthy eh?

Anyhow, let's just say that while I think my dress is gorgeous, it's not the best choice for a petite woman given it's a sheath dress (meaning you can only hem the length at the bottom), and it has beading which makes alterations very tricky and expensive. Having a chiffon overlay is messy because the bustle is not easy, and the weight of the whole dress is causing a (lack of) cleavage issue. As much as I love my gown, if I had the opportunity to do it over, I'd pick something with no beading, that has sexy straps, and has a seam at the waist that can be altered.

On the bright side, my bridal shower is this weekend. I can't wait to just relax and enjoy a little time with my gal pals (and an hour with my dad). Oh yeah, and the presents are a nice bonus!!!

Head Scratch

My mother-in-law to be asked if my mom should be extended an invitation to my bridal shower. Keep in mind that my mother is some 500 miles away. She thought it would be a good way to make her feel included, meet the in-laws, and have her involved more in my wedding plans. I agreed and she called my mom last week about it.

I was surprised this morning to see this e-mail from my dad to my brother [and me]:

"MIL called asking mom to go to the bridal shower. We need to attend a wedding for a friend's son that day. All we need is for one of us to go to the wedding. Since mom doesn't like to travel alone, I'll go to the shower, and she can go to the wedding. While up there, I can also meet MIL, see the hotel and the wedding ceremony location, and also see some model homes with you. I'll arrive in the morning and leave in the evening. I won't stay overnight. Just want to make sure that you will be free that day to drive me around."

Huh? It's hard not to laugh after reading this. It just sounds ridiculous. I immediately called Tim to ask exactly what his mom discussed with my mom. When I read the e-mail to him, he just laughed. Where do parents come up with these decisions?

My dad did later write and acknowledge that him coming by the shower would be odd but he only meant to stop briefly to meet my mother-in-law and drop off a few gifts. (Gifts? From who?)

I have to give kudos to my mother-in-law. She is wonderfully kind and thoughtful. I'm lucky to have her. I'm glad that at least some of our parents will meet before the wedding.

To save a cent

Bless mothers for they always bring out the stress, frustration, and laughter. While much of the time I speak of my mother with frustration and disbelief, she can make for an entertaining story. The logic she uses to make requests of her children can only be described as bizarre.

My brother and sister-in-law went home for the three-day weekend. I had already given them a bag of lotions and other items I'd bought for her. Two days before they left, my mom called to ask me to have them bring something down for her. She had misplaced her box of cotton swabs (my parents moved six months ago). Apparently, she's been using them to apply lipstick because the stick level has fallen below the container line.

Her recollection told her that I keep an ample supply of swabs in my bathroom. (Just because I accidentally ordered a second box I have plentiful amounts. ;)) She reasoned that it made sense for me to give her a small number of swabs until she could find her missing box and left me a voicemail saying as much. Since I didn't have time to call her, I grabbed a handful of swabs and stuffed them into a snack bag. Ricer (sister-in-law) and I both were planning to go to the Nordstrom sale, so I knew I could had them off to her without going out of the way.

Both my brother and Ricer were perplexed by Mom's request. After all, why didn't she just ask them? They keep a box of cotton swabs as well. I guess Mom didn't know this. And buying a small, travel quantity from the local drugstore was not an option?

On Sunday, my mom calls to chat. During the conversation she asks me why I sent so many swabs home with my brother. She goes on to tell me that she only wanted a few and didn't want the rest. I'm getting scolded for giving her too much? Not wanting to argue with her, I quickly suggested she could send the swabs back with my brother since he was bringing back other stuff for me. Can you believe all this back and forth over a bag of maybe twenty cotton swabs?

So we pick up my brother when he returns. As we drive him home, he pulls a couple things out of his bag for me. First, he hands me the bag of swabs. Tim just laughs in disbelief as we recount the whole story. Yes, this is the family he's marrying into. We all laughed. For all the torture she can put us through about money, jobs, and just general attitude, her quirky logic makes for some odd situations that you can't help laugh about.

Next, to my surprise, my brother hands me a roll of sandwich bags. As I hold it in my hand deciding where to stuff the wad, my brother explains that Mom went to Costco and now has "enough sandwich bags to last forever." Based on the assumption, she figured we could use some. Thanks Mom.

Change of direction

I was going to write tonight and tell you all about my fabulous trip with Tim. We had a great adventure, probably one to the best trips I've ever had.

But, I have to stop tonight to think about something else that's on my mind. When I came to work this morning, I learned that my co-worker, Hen, will be out the rest of the week because her father-in-law passed away on Friday. He had gone in for surgery and died in recovery. Only one daughter made it to the hospital before he was pronounced dead. He had a miracle recover from cancer just before Xmas. It would seem his body exerted so much will to live during the cancer that it didn't have enough strength to recover losing a lung.

On top of that, I just learned minutes ago, that a dear friend's father has passed. She's been out in Boston for weeks watching over him at the hospital. She's been sleeping at the hospital and showering at a friend's house for more than two weeks. They thought the worst was over just as we left for vacation. Now, I feel absolutely devastated. Two deaths in one week is... horrible.

Knowing two men with loving families had to die so soon is heart breaking. They were each part of close families. The core of the family is now gone. What happens to the wife? What do you do when you're left alone after 30, 40 years of marriage? Plus, my friend's mom lost her sister not more than one month ago. Damn.

It makes me realize how fragile life is and how much I love my parents. It easy to take for granted that they will be there. Since they live out of town, I don't see them often and the changes to their bodies is all the more apparent every time I visit. We are not invincible at any age, just maybe a little more durable when we're younger.

I'm heartbroken for my friend because she is still single. I'd like to believe that most of us dream of walking down the aisle arm in arm with our fathers. I had always dreamed of having my grandmother present for my wedding and seeing her so happy. That hope was taken away from me several years ago. I could never imagine not having a parent there on that special day (and hope that I don't have to experience that).

Hen's father-in-law had organized every detail of his death during his one year plus of cancer. They have a script, they need not think just morn. In my friend's case, it's that much more difficult because this was unexpected. He was a healthy man when he came down with this sudden illness. Now, they must scramble to make funeral decision in what must be an altered state of mind. My heart goes out to her. I wish there was something more I could do than send a card.

Family away from home

It's been a month of many family gatherings. For years, I was the only one in the area. A cousin relocated here several years ago. We see each other when we can but she's 30 miles away and always expects me to visit her neighborhood. Then, all of a sudden, my brother and a cousin moved here a little over a year ago.

I have to say it's really nice to have family around. We can complain about the crazy things our parents say and request of us. There is the girl my mother wants me to set up with my cousin. I vehemently refuse to get involved; he is thankful that I'm standing my ground; she is upset with me. He also must contend with his mother asking him to help set up our younger cousin if she comes here for grad school. Then, there are the impractical requests like my cousin loaning his winter coat to his younger brother via my brother's wife is she is going to be visiting her parents in the next couple of weeks. My cousin tried to explain to his mother that it would be easier if he just bought a coat. Oh the efforts we put in for blood.

A group of us met for dinner on Chinese New Year's Eve. It included Tim and Ricer's (my sister-in-law) sister. Having a mix of family is really nice. For me, it's important that Tim feel that he's included. I also think it's a good way to start learning some of the dynamics of my family as I don't think he's as involved with his.

On Saturday, another cousin was coming through on his way to China. None of us had seen him in at least a couple years. As a child, he was always the black sheep of the family due to his parents' terrible tempers and his carefree attitude. This dinner was only cousins plus Ricer.

First we met at my place for a little recreational fun, otherwise known as Rock Band for Playstation. In my cramped living room, five of us switched off playing guitar, drums or singing. Out-of-town cousin had never seen this before and got more excited about it after we had him take a turn in each role. The pictures of our family band are great. I love that even as "adults" we can have fun together.

I rode with him in the car to the restaurant. He talked about how he's really started thinking about more serious issues the past year. He's realized that he needs to start thinking about saving money, taking care of his parents, and determining what he wants in a future wife. It's taken him a long time to come around compared to the rest of us, but I'd like to believe that he's finally coming around. It's good to know that his relationships are improving.

Much of the dinner turned into a therapy session for a couple cousins who ranted story after story about the psychological pressures put upon us by our parents. Our eldest cousin is probably the least adjusted and will probably never escape his own insecurities. It is great to have such family bonds and be able to talk to each other.

If there was one reason I wish my life could have been different, it would be so that I could have the time and resources to have more children. I love that I have so much extended family and wish that my future kids could have that same, rich experience. Alas, they will only have a couple real cousins. Realistically, I know we cousins will drift to some extent as we marry and move to different places. I hope that somehow I can maintain the energy to keep everyone connected.

A year of potential

Happy New Year!

This must be the most laid back and relaxing winter holiday break ever. I can't remember sleeping in so much and being at work so little. Climbing three flights of stairs today to get to my desk was a major reality check for my thighs.

Visiting went relatively well. Tim still think my mom doesn't like him even though I thought everyone did nicely in terms of conversing and spending time together. It was no surprise, however, when, as we drove towards the freeway in the early hours of after-xmas shopping, my mom asked, "so why do you like this Tim?"

"He's a good guy, mom, He's smart, thoughtful, and sweet." I said this knowing little good would come from my praise.

There was silence in the car. I was driving, so I could not turn my head to gaze upon my mom's face. I then turned it around on her, "what do you think of him?"

"I'm not going to say anything," she said firmly yet nonchalantly as possible.

Needless to say, the rest of the brief conversation amounted to vague references to Tim not being good enough and poor assumptions on her part about his family being inferior. Oh well.

Despite that, Tim and I had a great time. I drove him around my old neighborhood on Xmas day. We walked along a bluff to see the views and enjoyed some time at the beach people watching and listening to the waves. It's hard to complain when it's a breezy 68F.

And now, it's back to reality. I have a big report to finish by Friday, but I'm more preoccupied with preparing myself for a possible pink slip sometime in the next couple weeks. That being said, I polished off my last revision of my resume and sent it off for three jobs this morning. All three are a slight stretch beyond what I do now, but all would be great opportunities to learn something new.

Considering I haven't looked for a job in some years, I expect that my first interview will be a nightmare regardless of how much I prepare. Let's hope my first interview is at a job I realize isn't the best fit for me. I'm scared to think of going to an interview, but at the same time I'm excited at the idea of being challenged.

Kindness for the season

Tim comes down to stay with my family tonight. I'm still not sure what my mother thinks of the whole event. The fact that she's gone out to try and find a gift for him means a lot to me. I hope she will be accepting of him and happy that I'm happy. I probably should ask her, but we've never been that initmate and open with our conversations. I figure she'll tell me what she's thinking in our first post-Xmas phone call.

I'm happy he's coming down to visit. We're going to have a full house and for once I'll really feel like it's something close to what the average American experiences during the holidays. We'll eat some good Asian food, watch a good football game (hopefully), and play Wii until our arms hurt.

***

Last week I volunteered with C3 for a local charity. We thought we would be spending our afternoon in a big, empty warehouse wrapping gifts. We walked into this huge, vacant building and a concrete floor covered with rows of gifts. The wrapping paper rolls were all off to the side.

It turns out, the first thing that needs to be done is a sorting of the gifts by charity and by child. Because the tags that go out to companies and stores don't all come back (about a 50% return rate), the organization puts out two gift requests per child.

Our job was to sort through the gifts, write up tags for children who are missing gifts, and pull duplicate gifts from the row. It's interesting to compare what people buy for the same gift tag. Sometimes it was identical, sometimes they were different sizes (cost?), and for more challenging gifts it was a matter of prioritizing the basic item wanted versus the color or brand the child requested.

Probably the most fun part was "shopping" for the missing gifts. Eventually all the duplicates and non-specific donations are organized in a section of the warehouse. You literally get to take your shopping list and pick out gifts.

My first gift tag read, "star globe or star map." My first thought was, "there's no way I'm going to find this. What could I choose as a close alternative?" My eyes gravitated towards the stacks of legos and art kits thinking maybe there'd be something useful there. And then I realized they had three carts of books, organized by subject. I saw the science books and quickly scanned the section to find ONE book on stargazing. Awesome!

One group of girls proved particularly challenging. They all wanted Betty Boop items such as blankets. Of the four who asked for items, only one came through. Not only did the giver buy the doll she wanted, they added a great tote bag. I was impressed since I would have no idea where to go for such stuff. I had no idea Betty Boop was popular again.

We did find a Betty Boop watch and a notebook with Betty Boop on the cover. We debated what was more important - did they need the blanket to keep warm for the winter, or were the girls just looking for Betty Boop? In the end, we decided to be boring and practical with blankets or the secondary boom boxes they listed.

The most hilarious request of the afternoon was a six-year-old who wanted a pogo stick. C3 wondered where he could have gotten such an idea. I suggested he saw some stunt show and wanted one. It wasn't a surprise that we couldn't find one. I wanted to give him a substitute that still represented something active and outdoors. We considered a small skateboard but didn't know if his mother would like another dangerous toy. In the end, I grabbed a Nerf rocket set.

C3 was just fascinated by the variety of gifts that kids receive these days. She hasn't ever had to buy toys and had no idea how electronic toys have become even for the youngest. In one batch of toys we had to find Vtech notebook computers for four kids under 8 years old. We scoured the piles of duplicates hoping to find one last notebook to finish our list. And wouldn't you know, we found a duplicate pogo stick. For a moment, we considered taking it for the six-year-old, but the box said for ages 9-99, so we decided he was too young for it and left it. What are the odds of another kid getting a pogo stick!??

I wish I could have spent more days volunteering. It's really fun to do something good. There's a lot of debate about charity because you don't always know that the items, be it food, clothing, or toys, are really being given to people who need them versus being resold for cash. For the holidays at least, I have to believe that these will be items appreciated by kids. I am especially happy to give my time to people who ask for simple things like jeans, a jacket, or basic clothing because you know they need it.

Happy holidays to everyone however you spend this time of the year!

What's the weather going to be like?

I talked with my mom this week. I've been trying to ask her about having Tim visit for the holidays. I figured that she's had sometime for the idea of me having a boyfriend to sink in. Now, I wanted to make him more of a presence.

We discussed a range of topics. What I was hoping would be a 30 minutes conversation turned into more than one hour. We discussed her plans to join a gym, my depressed aunt, my cousin's job, my sister-in-law's job opportunities, and the housing market.

Finally, I said, "hey Mom, I was wondering if I might invite Tim to visit with us for a couple days during the holidays? His parents will be out of town, and since he's planning to visit friends in [cities a couple hours away], I though it would be nice to have him spend time with us."

Mom: "Okay, but we don't have much room at the house."

Me: "What about the den? Don't we still have the extra twin bed?"

Mom: "Oh yeah, I guess we could set that up. But we won't be around for lunch on the 23rd."

Me: "That's fine, I don't think he'll come visit until the next day."

And then, we drifted towards another conversation. She didn't ask a thing about him. I don't know whether that's a good or bad thing. I mean, wouldn't you expect your parents to ask more about the person who's coming to visit. I did, a couple years ago, mention a little about him, maybe she remembers. Perhaps she doesn't want to ask fearing I'll think she's being nosy. The more likely truth, however, is that she doesn't have any interest in asking which makes me sad.

I find myself very disheartened by her lack of anything to say. Certainly I'm not surprised that she's not excited. Still, I wanted her to ask something - show some curiosity. It hurts because I can't do anything to make her happy. It hurst because she can't be happy for me. I feel guilty because part of me is uncomfortable with Tim because I am apprehensive of the conflict that will arise because I am dating him. Who knows what comments she'll have to share with me later. It's hard enough to find someone whom you think you could have a lasting relationship; it's worse when you know it could bring such angst with your mother.

Tim's immediate conclusion is that my mom doesn't like him and doesn't want to care to know anything about him. How am I supposed to respond to that? It's unfortunate that he has this pessimistic mindset but it's understandable. I don't know what to tell him other than things will be fine and just to be himself. I'm not the sort of person to sugar coat a situation. I'd like to believe that everything will be okay, but I really don't know what to think.

So, at least they know he's coming to visit. I know my mom will be polite and hospitable throughout his stay. All we can do now is find them so nice gifts for Tim to give and hope that they'll find him a good guy.

You can't invite him for dinner?

Thanksgiving week was great. Work was absolutely quiet which made for no guilt playing hooky on Wednesday. I don't think anyone in my department bothered to come to work.

On Monday night, I had a brief chat with my mother. I had been thinking this would be my opportunity to warm her up to the idea that I'm dating someone.

Mom: "What is GradCousin doing for Thanksgiving?"

Me: "I don't know. He mentioned that his friend invited him over last year for a family dinner and is hoping that he'll be invited again."

Mom: "So what are your plans for Thanksgiving?"

Me: "Well, do you remember my friend, Tim, who gave you the keys to my place when you came up to visit that time?"

Mom: [one second pause] "Yeah."

Me: "Well, we're dating. We decided since none of our friends will be around that we're going to drive up to [xxx] for a couple of days to go hiking and explore a museum."

Mom:[two second pause] "So does that mean you can't invite GradCousin and his friend over for Thanksgiving?"

Me: "Sorry, I thought about that but it didn't make sense to have a whole turkey for three of us. I figure I'll just catch up with him later during the weekend."

Mom: "Are you sure you can't plan Thanksgiving dinner and invite him over?"

Obviously, Mom was more concerned about taking care of family. As much as I like getting to know my cousin, I hate that my mother now expects me to keep an eye on him. She's even tried getting me to help her set him up with some friend's daughter. I've refused, and she just gets mad at me. Ugh.

The big question here is, did she hear me say "dating?" I'm pretty sure the pause was more to remember coming up to visit me. It's really unclear whether she caught the dating part since she was so preoccupied with making she GradCousin is not spending his holiday alone.

Tim and I had a great weekend. We left on Wednesday morning and enjoyed a tour that showed us some nature and wildlife in the countryside. It was beautiful to see the last of the fall leaves changing colors.

For dinner, we had reservations at a better known establishment. I sat on the booth side looking towards the center of the restaurant. Tim sat in a chair facing me. He could see the decor on the wall behind me which included the daily specials. He also happened to notice an attractive young woman sitting two tables away from us. She had bobbed brown hair and was well-groomed, probably in her late 20s at most. Normally, Tim doesn't really comment on women, so I was a bit surprised. But clearly, she stood out from most of the people in the restaurant.

It seemed odd that she was sitting alone. I could not tell whether she was just arriving or finishing up her meal. As we waited for our server to take our order, I watched as a server came to her corner booth with a cheese plate. Suddenly, a man appeared and slid himself into the seat adjacent to her. He was an older man, 50s or early 60s. Immediately, I suspected that I recognized him. I turned to Tim and said, "I think that's Billy Joel."

Tim shook his head and said, "no, that's not Billy Joel."

It made sense and explained why no one was seated at the table between us and the alleged celebrity couple. After a few of exchanges of "yes, it is" and "no, that's not," I asked Tim when was the last time he'd seen a picture of Billy Joel. Tim shrugged his shoulders and guessed that it had been ten years. I asserted my opinion and noted, "I've seen pictures of him in the past year and I'm pretty sure that's him."

As we waited for our main courses, a couple was seated at the table next to us. They talked for a few minutes, browsed the menu, and then the gentleman glanced to his right. I could not help but watch because I wanted to see if he would notice the possible celebrity. Sure enough, his eyes popped a bit and then he turned to his companion and remarked, "I think that's Billy Joel over there."

I immediately turned back to Tim and said with a laugh, "see, even that guy think it's Billy Joel."

I can only wonder whether my whispers were overheard by Mr. Joel and his companion. I certainly wasn't going to approach them as I believe it's disrespectful to intrude upon a stranger's dinner for such a silly reason. It was have been nice to meet him and tell him how much a enjoy his music, but this wasn't the time or place. Instead, I had to settle for the satisfaction of sitting 10 feet away.

Later, after they had left, I asked our server, "was that Billy Joel sitting in the corner?"

"Yes, that was, and right behind you on the other side of the room is Mario Andretti," she whispered.

I'm not a big star gazer, but we made sure to walk the long way around the exit when it was time to leave. We weren't quite sure what Mario looks like, but it was fun to take a peak. Two celebrities in one night, what a kick!

Thanksgiving day was simple and quiet. We slept in, watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, and went on a 5-mile hike to enjoy some great views of the surrounding hills. It was my first hike since my vacation and my muscles were having a memory lapse. Dinner was mellow. We went to a local place where we shared a heaping plate of Thanksgiving turkey with all the trimmings and a plate of sea bass for contrast. Nothing special but peaceful and relaxing just being together.

Our couple of days away from home were great. We were still in a normal town yet we felt worlds away. On a whim, I called friends to see if they might be around as we passed through their neighborhood. It was serendipitous they were about to have dinner with more friends. We all caught up on our holiday adventures over a tapas dinner.

On Saturday, I met up with GradCousin for dinner and showed him how to make bittersweet chocolate ice cream. Man, was he a happy man as he headed home. It's nice to know that it'll last him through semester finals.

Why I don't like talking to her

Whenever I watch television shows like Gilmore Girls, I wish I had a better relationship with my mother. Granted, the Gilmores are an ideal case which I doubt reflects the average mother-daughter relationships. I imagine most of my friends have a decent relationship with their mothers, but there's always some degree of parental antagonism.

I probably talk to my mother every two to three weeks. Usually, it's my mother calling me because they haven't heard from me in awhile. Yes, I'm a bad daughter, but it's just not fun sometimes to talk with her. For my own sanity, I tend to minimize my interactions with her. I've learned over the years to edit the personal information I share with her.

----

During a recent conversation, she was telling me how she's been keeping herself busy now that she has retired. Ever since she announced her retirement plans, I had been concerned about exactly what she'd do to keep herself busy. Other than work, she didn't have many hobbies or activities other than gardening, cooking, watching soap operas and sleeping. The worst thing is seeing people retire and become bored or depressed over the lack of mental activity and loss of human interaction that comes with not working.

I was happy to hear that she taken up calligraphy classes. As a child, she never worked very hard to write characters. She simply treated it as a homework assignment. Now, she wants to improve her technique and is even encouraging my father to join her in class.

Then she asked me as if she'd forgotten, "what class are you taking now?"

"I'm taking the next language class."

"Why? You aren't speaking any better since taking the last class."

A bit taken a back I responded, "I think it's helps me remember more words and understand grammar better. It's just helpful to practice speaking regularly with others. Besides, I want to learn to read and write a little."

"That's not something that's going to be very useful to you."

Yeah, this is why talking to her is just not healthy sometimes. Her incredulity about anything I do is so frustrating. Why couldn't she have me a simple question like, "What have you learned?" Even if she didn't care at all, how about just saying, "That's nice." Basically, I was told that I can't speak a darn and that I can't learn. Gee, was she this encouraging when I was growing up?

The next day, I told Tim about my conversation. He's seen me get upset before after conversation with my mother. He doesn't have the highest opinion of her. He laughed and said, "your mother's lame."

I inquired, "Am I ever like that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do I make comments like that to people?"

"No, never."

"Okay, good. I'm worried I've picked up some of her habits."

If it's okay to say this

Cosmic forces continue to work towards something of which I am not privy. I talked with my mom to learn that people want to set me up with the older boy from that party at Uncle's last weekend.

It seems that Uncle talked with Emerald and Disorganized's father sometime after the gathering. The father expressed some concern over the fact that Emerald is 37, shy, and single. He wants his boy to meet some girls, get married, and start a family. He asked Uncle if there might be some girls Emerald could meet.

Uncle immediately thought of me and called my parents to verify whether or not I am single. Naturally, my mother is rather enthusiastic about the idea, especially since she learned they are doctors. At first, she asked me generally what I thought of the two. I told her they seemed fine. She asked how they appear, and I commented they seemed decent, nicely dressed and well-groomed. She restated her question to whether or not I thought either of them were good looking. I really didn't want to go into detail but offered that I think the younger one is slightly more attractive.

Then she inquired about their heights. I told her I wasn't sure because I never stood next to them and that we were sitting most of the time. She pressed about making an estimate. I argued that my estimate couldn't possibly be right since I was sitting more than 10 feet away when I saw them standing. Then, I teased a little and asked if she'd rather me remain single if I said they were 5' 3". She said "no, I'm just curious."

As she explored how open I was to the idea of getting set up with the boys, she clarified that the father felt more urgency around the older one. While I said I was fine with meeting up with him for coffee or lunch, I reminded her that he's had a chance to meet me. I pointed out that he may not necessarily be interested. I rambled off some potential reasons such as not being pretty enough for him or being too outgoing.

That's when my mom said something I'd been wondering but never heard before. She considered my theories about his possible disinterest and added, "Well, if I can say this to you, I think boys want to have a family and prefer to date young women. He may not want to date you because you're too old now."

Ah ha, I thought, the truth comes out. I didn't flinch. Nothing about what she said really surprised me. I've always figured that's why her friends have stopped offering to set me up. It's interesting to see how my mother thinks and know that somewhere inside she feels like my chances are dwindling.

She tried to soften the news saying, "I know you girls are getting married later and you wait to have kids, that's fine. But I still think boys like to marry younger girls. We'll talk to Uncle and see. Maybe Feminist can invite you and the boys for something."

I insisted that my mom not get Feminist involved. I don't know her, and I would feel bad if she was unwillingly dragged into this matchmaking scheme. I firmly told my mom to keep Feminist out of this if she was not a willing participant.

So, that was my conversation with Mom. My new attitude towards set up is that it's somewhat like online dating. You know less about them, but at least they're probably not stalkers or something. It can't hurt to chat once or twice. We'll see if anything comes of this.

Fighting myself in the new year

To celebrate the Lunar New Year, my father's friend, Uncle invited me to join his family for dinner over the weekend. He lives nearby and has been trying to invite me over for several years. This is the first time I was available.

When I was a toddler, I used to play with his daughter, who is one year older. I remember watching old slide shows and wondering who the little girl was standing next to me at this park. We haven't met since those days when both families were in the Midwest.

I thought that it was just going to be eating with the family. It concerned me that dinner would feel intimidating and awkward. Still, I felt it somewhat of an obligation since it is a my father's good friend. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that it was a larger group. There were other "kids" invited who's fathers went to school with Uncle or are neighbors. Our ages probably ranged from 26 to 37. We were strangers, linked by a parental six degrees of separation.

Feminist is the daughter. She and her now husband were together 11 years before they married. My mother thought Feminist was uncomfortable marrying Orange because he isn't Chinese. What I learned is that she simply didn't feel it necessary to conform to the expectations of society. It had nothing to do with her commitment to Orange. When someone asked why they finally did marry, she said the influence of her family changed her mind, though she didn't expand on the exact reasons. Hearing all this made me realize how skewed my mother's conclusions about people can be and that I should be careful in presenting and accepting opinions.

AussieMBA and SDTeach are high school classmates and neighbors of the son, LowInc. It was slow to make conversation at first. Thank goodness for food. When two brothers arrived, I naturally took notice of them. Part of me wondered if there was some setup involved though how could Uncle know whether I was single. The taller of the two wore glasses, Disorganized, appeared slightly more attractive and seemed more outgoing. The brother, Emerald, seemed average and turned out to be pretty quiet. His face seemed familiar, maybe I've seen his picture on a dating website in the past. Disorganized turned out to be the younger brother.

Naturally, the conversations began by asking each other about our professions and where we live. Feminist is very active in her academic pursuits and Asian-American ideals. She was dressed in a fashionable yet eccentric wearing an overlength, fitted tee that had bell sleeves over another t-shirt and fitted pants. Her black-rimmed glasses gave her that intellectual look.

The brothers are both physicians. Feminist grew up with them as her neighbor in NY. She hadn't seen them since secondary school and was curious to hear about them. Both are more recent transplants to California (past 2-3 years). Their older brother still lives in NY. As she inquired more about them, I got the sense that they haven't developed many friends or resources here. I would imagine their busy schedules don't allow for much time to socialize like I do.

Part of me was naturally curious about the younger brother given he was more sociable and attractive. Another part of me felt wary of lavishing too much attention towards the guys. Growing up, there has always been that image of the ideal boy to match up daughters with - a doctor being one of the biggest trophies among mothers. I think part of me shies away from these types because of my mother. Ah, rebellion. I've seen her swoon over other perceived "good catches." I can't stand the idea of my mother boasting to all her friends about me dating a doctor even though she knows nothing about him. It's a real struggle within myself because I want my mother to approve and yet I don't want to conform to her expectations. Do I end up sabotaging myself because of her?

I, myself, fear wanting to date a doctor more for what he makes than who he is. Financial security is a nice thing, but I worry about putting that before other things or allowing the fact to compensate for a personality flaw that I normally might not put up with. I'd love to be able to afford to be a stay-at-home mother for those early years. Judging someone on paper facts is natural, but I don't like that it can cloud my judgement.

Another reason I tend to be skeptical of dating doctors is because they are doctors. Besides the potential for cockiness and related personalty quirks, they're just plain busy people. This is probably more of an issue to me than anything else. They are controlled by their schedules and patients, not the other way around. Then again, maybe it'd all be alright because I like having some time to myself. It would take a lot of communication and patience to live with the unpredictability and inflexibility.

Basically, I did my best to treat them as I did other people. SDTeach was the one who showcased them a bit. She's really into "Grey's Anatomy" and was curious to hear about the real life of doctors. She asked the guys if anything from the show is like their work. The brother chuckled at the question. Both have heard of the show but never really watched it. From what they'd heard, they explained that their work is much more boring and routine than anything on tv. Still, she continued to ask questions about what types of illness they see and the interactions they have with their staff. She wanted to know if it's true that doctors have close relationships with their nurses, though nothing like all the sex we see on the show. It was amusing to see her so intrigued and curious.

Her job and stories were actually much more interesting. SDTeach works with high-risk teenagers. She's taught at juvenile hall. It's always impressive to hear about people who are willing to risk themselves and thrive on working with trouble youth. I can't imagine she looks that tough and authoritative and yet she manages to generate respect among the kids.

The evening went pretty well. People slowly broke off into different conversations as the night progressed. At one point, Disorganized sat on the same couch as me. When he found out where I live, he asked for recommendations on where he might look for a place to buy. I racked my brain and suggested this new development that would be a good location between where he works and where he likes to hang out.

All seemed to be going well until I made one out of place comment. After describing the housing development, I cautioned that the condos could be a bit pricey. I should have left it there. But then, as usual, my mouth accelerated past my common sense circuits and said, "but you're a doctor so you should be fine." That seemed to cool the conversation a bit. OOPS, oh well. (I really need to learn to NOT think aloud.)

It was getting late, so I said my thanks yous and goodbyes. Feminist said that she'd collect everyone's e-mails and keep us all in touch with each other. Alas, she's never shared everyone's e-mails. It's seems she's keeping them for herself. I don't know if I actually want anything from either of the brothers. Maybe I'm just disappointed that I don't seem to generate much attention from guys in general. It was nice to meet some new people. I hope that maybe Feminist and I can become better acquainted though I'm not sure how much we have in common.

Hoarding is a losing proposition

I'm a hoarder. I like having that sense of backup. I never use all my vacation because I like the idea of having a buffer in case of an emergency or spontaneous trip. If I have some scent I really like in a shampoo or lotion, I sparingly use it, hoping to make it last. I end up with all these half-used bottles strew about my bathroom. I am sitting on over 200,000 airline miles because if I find a cheaper airfare, I'd rather use that than spend the miles.

This week, however, I discovered that my hoarding habits just cost me. On another airline that I haven't flown in three years, I was dismayed to learn that my almost 40,000 miles expired two days ago. Doh! Even more tragic, I will be flying on that airline tomorrow. ARGHHHH!

I really did try to use the miles for a free ticket. However, in each situation either the fares were cheaper than redeeming the miles (the breakpoint is around 1.5 cents per mile for me) or I was traveling with others and ended up flying a different airline (again, for price).

My mother used to build up an insane amount of supplies at home. As a kid I remember having a cabinet full of toothpaste tubes, bottle of shampoo and lotion, Kleenex, and other notions. This was before the days of CostCo so I'm pretty sure it was all purchased on sale and with coupons.

At some point when I was a teenager, I think my mom realized that we had too much stuff. She stopped buying and we began trying to use things up. Unfortunately, the lotions weren't meant to sit on the shelves for that many years. Upon opening a "new" bottle of Vaseline lotion, I remember wondering if the formula had been changed. The lotion was very watery, not creamy like my bottle of Jergens. I checked another bottle to find the same consistency. Later, my mom commented about how she thought all the lotions had gone bad. From that experience, I don't do the same. I never have more than one extra bottle of anything around. The only thing I have multiples of is lip balm, but only because they get misplaced so easily. Thankfully, I don't have or rent any storage outside of my own place (unless you count a couple boxes at my parents' house).

It seems I still have things I need to stop hoarding. I've been working on using up the various bathroom toiletries. Part of the issue is that I hate wasting hotel supplies. If I've opened a bottle of shampoo, I take it home and use it up. The whole idea of all those detergents being thrown away every day in thousands of hotel room is very wasteful and bad for the environment. I no longer take home the ones that sit unopened on the bathroom counter (unless I *really* like the brand).

It's such a bummer that I lost a ticket. I was hoping to get up to 50,000 miles so that I could give my parents a set of roundtrip tickets for a vacation. I can still do that with my other airline miles. I'm just feeling stupid about losing some that I've had three years to use. :( Live and learn!

Back from a pleasant holiday

Time with the family was nice. It's hard to complain when the weather is a sunny 68F almost every day.

I caught up with a childhood friend, Dogger. We attended 3rd through 12th grade together. She's now a pediatrician. Dogger is also one of the few friends who is still single. It was nice to catch up on our family and friends. I learned that another one of our high school friend's is pregnant. It's taken her many years to decide whether or not to have children. She had never wanted them when we were younger.

Dogger was a bit tired after holding a party at her house the previous night. Her guests had brought their children. The kids left a big mess around the house. She said they had thrown food everywhere. She paused and commented that she wasn't used to that and maybe it's better not to have kids. I know she didn't really mean it. I brushed her observation off as the fault of the parents rather than an unfortunate truth about children. I didn't want to admit that I had been thinking something similar. It would seem as we get older, the idea of catering to children becomes more foreign. I wondered if this was her way of comforting herself about being childless.

At least, that's how my mind's been working lately. If we rationalize the hassle, inconvenience, and selfishness of having children perhaps we can make ourselves believe that it's good that we're childless. I think about all the pollution, crime, materialism, etc. in the world and wonder why I would want to subject a child to this self-destructing world. I console myself by believing that bringing a child into this world is a cruel thing.

The next evening I visited with my oldest friend, Sis. As children, we were the only Asian girls in the neighborhood. Everyone thought we were sisters (because why else would there be two Asian girls in the neighborhood). She and J got engaged after knowing each other for four months. She got married last year and is now expecting her first child.

I'm always curious how the two of them get along since they knew so little of each other to start. They've definitely had their share of fights and disagreements. He's not too keen on how much time she spends with her white, drinking friends. He generally doesn't like large groups of people and prefers to just be with her. It was honest but surprising to hear her reflect upon her marriage as basically having a roommate. They are in the apartment together but usually in separate rooms, one watching tv, the other working at the desk. We agreed that living with someone gets more difficult with age.

It was fun to see her pregnant. She's not particular enamoured with the pregnancy experience but managing. The reality of the impending baby hasn't quite hit them yet. They have yet to agree on a name. She wants to have a biblical name, he does not. The funny thing about that? He's studying to be a Protestant minister.

On the weekend, I caught up with another pregnant girlfriend, Nvy. This will be her second child. It was more of a threesome as her little girl, Ruby, was along for the afternoon. It was fun to hold her hand and help her cross the street. She's an incredibly intelligent two-year-old recognizing a select portion of the alphabet, learning basic colors, and counting from one to twenty. I was impressed by how well Ruby's developed. I can only hope I can do half as a good a job raising such a smart and well-behaved child.

It's amazing how many facets there are to living life. I really cherish the time I spent with my girlfriends. Listening and asking questions gave me a lot to think about. No one's life is perfect but they all have such interesting stories to tell.

My mom was pretty good. There's some tension between her and my dad that I won't go into. Overall, we had a great time as a family. There was no drama because of my brother's wedding, no money complaints, and the job doesn't matter so much these days because she's about to retire. We went shopping at the mall and she bought me a couple nice pieces of clothing. We both loved buying brand name items for 20% of the retail price. It was just a great vacation at home.

Where to spend the winter holidays

At lunch the other day, people started talking about the holidays. It came up because one woman wishes we had a company-wide shut down for the holidays. I immediately disagreed. Stupidly, and perhaps inappropriately, I provided my reasons.

The fact is the holidays are boring for me. I didn't mean to make them feel sorry for me. It was simply meant as fact (or maybe I had an unconscious need for attention).

Growing up with first-generation Asian parents means that they don't quite understand American holiday traditions. I never had an Easter egg hunt except one year when we visited someone else's house. We had Thanksgiving turkey every other year or so? My father's relative were mostly on the East Coast; my mother's family is in the South. We were the lone family an usually spend the holidays as a single family unit.

Xmas means putting up a little fake tree with some pretty glass balls and arranging a few random, half-wrapped gifts under the tree. We eat dinner the night before as if it's just another night. In the morning, we spend about 30 minutes opening gifts and then move on like it's a Sunday morning.

While it's nice to see my parents, I don't exactly look forward to going home. Xmas doesn't mean anything unless you're a kid, a parent, an aunt/uncle or a grandparent. It's all about family, and mine is kind of disfunctional about this holiday. I could visit home any time of the year and sit around watching movies and eating my mom's cooking.

Things would be completely different if I were married with kids. I'd be exhausted shopping for gifts and trying to make the house festive with lights and poinsettias. Maybe I'd be grumbling under my breath about ignorant travellers while waiting to go through airport security. I'd complain about having to host my brother or parents for the week. The kitchen would be filled with the scent of cakes and cookies, along with the hint of sauted onions as garlic as I prepared dinner. It would be crazy and frustrating at times, but it would be fun.

Instead, I'm 35 and have nothing to do. It's painful to be at home. My parents usually attend a Xmas party or two hosted by friends. It's mostly just adults now and the few kids under 25 who come. All the other "kids" are married and elsewhere - except me. It's so humiliating sitting at the kids' table now.

Mom always asks me to stay until New Year's, but I'm always itching to go home. What does she expect me to do at home for a week? One of these years, I'm thinking I'll go on vacation instead. It's the peak of summer in the other half of the world. It would be nice to get away from all the holiday expectations and reminders of what's missing from my life.

The irony is that I have all the Xmas stuff I need in my closets. I have three boxes of decorations and ornaments that I have amassed over the years. Last year, I bought decorative mantel hooks for the stockings I bought at the Macy's After Christmas clearance. I was very discriminating about buying items that weren't religious in nature. I settled on ones that looked like a snowflake and a wrapped gift box. Is it all because I long for those romantic family images or am I just a shopaholic?

So, here comes another fabulous holiday break of sitting at home with my folks...