I've been slow to post the past couple weeks. The symptoms started a few weeks ago. I noticed I was much more tired and even needed naps after work. Tim had to step up a bit on weekends and help with tidying the house while I rested. Food lost all it's appeal for awhile because flavors just weren't appealing. The indigestion and light nausea didn't help. I lost a couple pounds from the lack of eating.
I went to the doctor and had a six vials of blood drawn for a variety of tests. The results came back today telling me my blood type and saying that my red blood cell count is a little low; I'll have to retest. Other than that, my tests were clean.
This week, things seems to be better. My stomach growls and I eat. It's such a relief to be able to enjoy food again.
Even better, I went in for another test today. Because the person screening me was a technician, she was not allowed to describe to me anything she was doing or saw, but she implied that it would be easy for us to make the correct interpretation. Tim knew being there to support me was important. I also wanted him to experience things for himself so that he could enjoy the moment as much as me.
In the dark room, with my bursting bladder begging to go to the bathroom, we got to peak at a black and white tv monitor. I could tell by the smile on Tim's face that he saw what we had been hoping to confirm. After eight weeks of wondering and worrying, we got to see our little kiddo's heartbeat on the ultrasound.
I can't tell you how relived we are to be past that painful memory from February. This time around feels much more real. There are still tests to come. Given my advanced age (yes, that's how they refer to pregnant women over 35), the baby is not out of the woods until we complete the first trimester. Also, there are the genetic tests that come between weeks 11 and 15 to make sure our child will live a happy, healthy, and productive life. All we know now is that we have a beautiful human being growing inside me.
It is with this happy news that I must bring a little sad news. It's time to focus on the future, and I feel it's time to close this chapter of my life. My search has been fulfilled with a wonderful husband, home, and future child. It's what I've dream of much of my life. I'm hoping to get myself to return to the days when I kept a handwritten journal and chronicle bits about the new family we'll have come January.
I've met some amazing people here in blogland. You've given me laughs, insight, and support through the years. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and perspective on life and living. I still enjoy peaking into everyone's lives from time to time and still hope to because I always appreciate learning from others. If our paths should ever cross in the real world, I hope that somehow we'll know to connect.
I wish you all much love, peace, and happiness. (Wow, does that sound hippie or what - it must be the blouse I'm wearing ;) )
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Sunday, April 29, 2007
My new rules
When I stopped writing in early April, I was going through a bit of depression. This always seems to happen in the weeks before my birthday, consciously and subconsciously. I weeped many nights in a row about my feelings of loneliness and hopelessness about the future. Hanging out with my friends makes me acutely aware of how different my life is from theirs and from what I thought it would be at this age.
I found that blogging every day, in some ways, exacerbated my negative thoughts. Spending too much time writing about certain subject is not healthy for me. Sometimes I think it's better if I let my thoughts pass rather than write down every complaint and peeve that arises during the day.
In the weeks I spent away from my blog, I did find that my mind was emptier, quieter, less anxious. I got back to just living day to day. The sad feelings are always there but much less so when I don't dwell on it.
At the same time, I miss sharing some of my stories and random questions. I miss practicing writing. I miss exchanging thoughts with all of you.
So, I'm back but with a cautious approach. Except for emergencies, I plan to limit my entries to two each week. That will force me to focus on the more important questions and thoughts in my head. Hopefully, that will lead me away from magnifying bad thoughts.
We'll see how it goes...
I found that blogging every day, in some ways, exacerbated my negative thoughts. Spending too much time writing about certain subject is not healthy for me. Sometimes I think it's better if I let my thoughts pass rather than write down every complaint and peeve that arises during the day.
In the weeks I spent away from my blog, I did find that my mind was emptier, quieter, less anxious. I got back to just living day to day. The sad feelings are always there but much less so when I don't dwell on it.
At the same time, I miss sharing some of my stories and random questions. I miss practicing writing. I miss exchanging thoughts with all of you.
So, I'm back but with a cautious approach. Except for emergencies, I plan to limit my entries to two each week. That will force me to focus on the more important questions and thoughts in my head. Hopefully, that will lead me away from magnifying bad thoughts.
We'll see how it goes...
Monday, April 09, 2007
Losing steam
The fact of the matter is that I'm just rather tired these days. I've been away from home for many days in the past month and feel kind of lost. I plead guilty to not keeping up with everyone's blogs as much. I've been browsing a paragraph or two and then move on. Sorry.
My dating subscription ended recently. I'm still exchanging e-mail with a few guys, but it's going slow. Somehow, not contacting each other through the system seems to make one less important. I don't want to look needy by e-mailing them over and over, yet how am I supposed to keep myself in their minds?
Basically, not much came out of the three months of online dating. I probably exchanged information (on some level) with more than twenty-five guys but only managed to meet two. Compared to other times I've gone on the Internet, I think I was much more open and put in a good amount of effort. I wasn't planning my wedding or anything, but certainly I thought I would meet some interesting people for couple dates each. For whatever reason, however, the results weren't stellar. It's not exactly a self-esteem booster.
Meanwhile, I'm still here at my job. It's fine. Some days are good, some days not so much. It's hard to give up a comfy paying job where I get to do things at my own pace. I worry I'm not challenging myself.
Even shopping, that lovely pastime, has lost its allure. They're just things that clutter my closets. How can I buy stuff that I can't wear because I'm 10% overweight? I don't want to spend an hour every morning to look "pretty." What happened to being yourself?
Maybe it's just a mood thing. Maybe it's the birthday thing. Each day I see something about myself that I don't like and it makes me wonder if that's why I'm still alone at 36. Things never seem to change no matter how much I recognize or am told of my bad habits. It's amazing I still have friends.
It might be a rash decision that I'll regret tomorrow, but I need a break. My optimism towards the topic on which this blog is based has faded. I need to step back and take inventory of what I have, what I want, and where I'm going. I need to stop analyzing, pre-judging, assuming, and jumping to conclusions about my life and the people around me. Can I get myself to relax and just live?
We shall see... and maybe I'll catch up with all of you in a couple months. I'll be lurking from time to time, hoping you're all having great adventures and plenty of laughs.
My dating subscription ended recently. I'm still exchanging e-mail with a few guys, but it's going slow. Somehow, not contacting each other through the system seems to make one less important. I don't want to look needy by e-mailing them over and over, yet how am I supposed to keep myself in their minds?
Basically, not much came out of the three months of online dating. I probably exchanged information (on some level) with more than twenty-five guys but only managed to meet two. Compared to other times I've gone on the Internet, I think I was much more open and put in a good amount of effort. I wasn't planning my wedding or anything, but certainly I thought I would meet some interesting people for couple dates each. For whatever reason, however, the results weren't stellar. It's not exactly a self-esteem booster.
Meanwhile, I'm still here at my job. It's fine. Some days are good, some days not so much. It's hard to give up a comfy paying job where I get to do things at my own pace. I worry I'm not challenging myself.
Even shopping, that lovely pastime, has lost its allure. They're just things that clutter my closets. How can I buy stuff that I can't wear because I'm 10% overweight? I don't want to spend an hour every morning to look "pretty." What happened to being yourself?
Maybe it's just a mood thing. Maybe it's the birthday thing. Each day I see something about myself that I don't like and it makes me wonder if that's why I'm still alone at 36. Things never seem to change no matter how much I recognize or am told of my bad habits. It's amazing I still have friends.
It might be a rash decision that I'll regret tomorrow, but I need a break. My optimism towards the topic on which this blog is based has faded. I need to step back and take inventory of what I have, what I want, and where I'm going. I need to stop analyzing, pre-judging, assuming, and jumping to conclusions about my life and the people around me. Can I get myself to relax and just live?
We shall see... and maybe I'll catch up with all of you in a couple months. I'll be lurking from time to time, hoping you're all having great adventures and plenty of laughs.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Slow motion blogging
Either my blog is being bombarded in some invisible, devious fashion or it's time to get a new hit counter. At lunch time, I looked at my counts to see that only two people had seen my blog today. Normally, the East Coast folks have taken their morning morning peeks.
The two hits were for 5am PST. Okay, slow day or I've just been a huge writing disappointment lately (which wouldn't surprise me and isn't a big deal).
However, my suspicions grew when I check again after 3pm to find that only one addition hit was added. The 3rd hit has a time stamp of 7:30am. That's just not right.
So I went to my blog page just to create a hit. Let's see... it's now nearing 6pm PST and I still haven't seen my own IP appear in my counts. The newest hit on the list was from around 10:50am. What's up with that?
It's gotta be a conspiracy, I just know it. Some one in China yesterday was upset over all my tagging and has sought revenge. Okay, now I'm just talking crazy.
Anyhow, I'll have to keep an eye on this to see if it's affecting anything else. My blog looks okay. Hopefully it's just a Sitemeter glitch. And I have to add, it's unfair to taunt people with a picture of a tasty Angus burger, offer a $1 off coupon, and then, only after you've click through two pages, let you know in the fine print that it's only good in the great Los Angeles Area!!!
The two hits were for 5am PST. Okay, slow day or I've just been a huge writing disappointment lately (which wouldn't surprise me and isn't a big deal).
However, my suspicions grew when I check again after 3pm to find that only one addition hit was added. The 3rd hit has a time stamp of 7:30am. That's just not right.
So I went to my blog page just to create a hit. Let's see... it's now nearing 6pm PST and I still haven't seen my own IP appear in my counts. The newest hit on the list was from around 10:50am. What's up with that?
It's gotta be a conspiracy, I just know it. Some one in China yesterday was upset over all my tagging and has sought revenge. Okay, now I'm just talking crazy.
Anyhow, I'll have to keep an eye on this to see if it's affecting anything else. My blog looks okay. Hopefully it's just a Sitemeter glitch. And I have to add, it's unfair to taunt people with a picture of a tasty Angus burger, offer a $1 off coupon, and then, only after you've click through two pages, let you know in the fine print that it's only good in the great Los Angeles Area!!!
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Blitzing
Okay, just something weird that I notice today. In the span of about 5 minutes starting at 1:32pm PST, my site was visited by 21 IP addresses that trace back to China. It doesn't appear that anyone actually read anything in my blog, just hit the page and exited.
I usually a couple hits like this each day but they seemed totally harmless and random. This instance is much more peculiar.
Has anyone else seen this in their logs? Am I being checked by the government for censored information because I blogged a clipping about an online sitcom about 20-somethings living in China?
Freaky.
Update: Alert cancelled. I think it's because I was updating my tags. Still, how come all but one hit were all from China? This didn't happen the last time I updated tags.
I usually a couple hits like this each day but they seemed totally harmless and random. This instance is much more peculiar.
Has anyone else seen this in their logs? Am I being checked by the government for censored information because I blogged a clipping about an online sitcom about 20-somethings living in China?
Freaky.
Update: Alert cancelled. I think it's because I was updating my tags. Still, how come all but one hit were all from China? This didn't happen the last time I updated tags.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Never practice on the real thing
I'm still experimenting with the new Blogger features. You can see I'm trying to go back through my posts for add tags. I tried to stick to a few main categories at first, but that obviously didn't stick. Going through all these entries is quite time consuming. And, as I create new tags, I realize that I need to go to posts I've already tagged and add more. Argh!
The features seem pretty nice. I converted the template which meant that I lost some old html customizations. It took me awhile to find where they had stored my "classic" template. I was panicking thinking I'd have to try to recreate code that I haven't looked at in two years. That's when I asked myself why I went ahead and converted this when I should have done a test run with my other, smaller blogs. I'd rather lose those than screw up this one. I used to be a programmer, you'd think I'd know to always work on a copy before toying with the production version. Fortunately, I pressed enough buttons to find my old template html. Panic averted, phew!
**************************
The weekend was great. I was supposed to spend Friday night at home getting some exercise and reading, but friends planned a last minute get together to play games. Tim picked me up and we headed over to their house. No one else showed until much later, so it ended up being four of us. We played a rather long game with everyone ganging up on Tim because he so often wins these strategy board games. In the end we managed to tie him. Ha!
Then, with some more folks we played a card game. I find if I try too hard, I just get stressed, annoying, and frustrated. Since I'd never played this game before, I just tried things. It seemed like everyone was hording cards for the final rounds of the game. I figured my only chance was to attack early. Surprise, it paid off. I actually won by one point! It really is better to try and have fun rather than win. My competitive nature gets the better of me too often.
Saturday, I went with Tim to pick up his "new" car. He bought a sporty luxury car with a manual transmission. Wow, it was so smooth shifting gears - ahhh. He offered to let me drive it back but I felt he should enjoy his car first.
To celebrate we stopped by college town for some yummy pizza and to pick up an alumni license plate frame for his car. It was fun to walk through campus on such a pleasant afternoon. As a "thank you" for driving his old car home, he to pay for a school t-shirt that I have been eyeing for a couple years .
When we got back to my place, we rented "Cars." It was a cute movie. It was particularly interesting to watch the extras and realize how the story line had been changed but some lines got recycled.
On the dating front, I have been exchanging information with a couple guys now. Nothing interesting to report. Some respond within a couple days, others take a week. I don't know what to do with guys who take a long time to respond and don't write or ask much. How are they expecting us to get to know each other?
I had one person delist me. The guys gave two reason, one "other" and because I had no photo he could see. Okay, that's fine. The second reason seems kind of stupid considering he didn't have a photo either. Hello? Maybe I would have revealed mine if you had one up!
The features seem pretty nice. I converted the template which meant that I lost some old html customizations. It took me awhile to find where they had stored my "classic" template. I was panicking thinking I'd have to try to recreate code that I haven't looked at in two years. That's when I asked myself why I went ahead and converted this when I should have done a test run with my other, smaller blogs. I'd rather lose those than screw up this one. I used to be a programmer, you'd think I'd know to always work on a copy before toying with the production version. Fortunately, I pressed enough buttons to find my old template html. Panic averted, phew!
**************************
The weekend was great. I was supposed to spend Friday night at home getting some exercise and reading, but friends planned a last minute get together to play games. Tim picked me up and we headed over to their house. No one else showed until much later, so it ended up being four of us. We played a rather long game with everyone ganging up on Tim because he so often wins these strategy board games. In the end we managed to tie him. Ha!
Then, with some more folks we played a card game. I find if I try too hard, I just get stressed, annoying, and frustrated. Since I'd never played this game before, I just tried things. It seemed like everyone was hording cards for the final rounds of the game. I figured my only chance was to attack early. Surprise, it paid off. I actually won by one point! It really is better to try and have fun rather than win. My competitive nature gets the better of me too often.
Saturday, I went with Tim to pick up his "new" car. He bought a sporty luxury car with a manual transmission. Wow, it was so smooth shifting gears - ahhh. He offered to let me drive it back but I felt he should enjoy his car first.
To celebrate we stopped by college town for some yummy pizza and to pick up an alumni license plate frame for his car. It was fun to walk through campus on such a pleasant afternoon. As a "thank you" for driving his old car home, he to pay for a school t-shirt that I have been eyeing for a couple years .
When we got back to my place, we rented "Cars." It was a cute movie. It was particularly interesting to watch the extras and realize how the story line had been changed but some lines got recycled.
On the dating front, I have been exchanging information with a couple guys now. Nothing interesting to report. Some respond within a couple days, others take a week. I don't know what to do with guys who take a long time to respond and don't write or ask much. How are they expecting us to get to know each other?
I had one person delist me. The guys gave two reason, one "other" and because I had no photo he could see. Okay, that's fine. The second reason seems kind of stupid considering he didn't have a photo either. Hello? Maybe I would have revealed mine if you had one up!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Can't convert yet
Darn, I tried to migrate to the new blogger but received a message saying I have a blog that can't be moved. :( Boo hoo, I wanted to be one of the cool kids.
Anyhow, posts will probably be spotty from here on out. I'm off to see the folks, catch up with some pregnant girlfriends, be subjected to parents' friends wondering why I'm still single, and sit around in my pajamas watching movies.
And somewhere in between all this, I'll be trying to figure out if I want to try the online dating thing one last time. The thing is, I have to make sure I'm going to put enough effort into it otherwise, it's just a lame excuse. That also means I'll need to find a friend or two to be my "dating coach" because I'm totally clueless. Do you think there are people available professionally that I can hire to do this?
The weather should be decent - no shorts possible but certainly I don't have to worry about packing any wool sweaters. Can't wait to go home and eat some of Mom's cooking. Maybe she'll make me some egg rolls. :D
Enjoy your time off everyone!
Anyhow, posts will probably be spotty from here on out. I'm off to see the folks, catch up with some pregnant girlfriends, be subjected to parents' friends wondering why I'm still single, and sit around in my pajamas watching movies.
And somewhere in between all this, I'll be trying to figure out if I want to try the online dating thing one last time. The thing is, I have to make sure I'm going to put enough effort into it otherwise, it's just a lame excuse. That also means I'll need to find a friend or two to be my "dating coach" because I'm totally clueless. Do you think there are people available professionally that I can hire to do this?
The weather should be decent - no shorts possible but certainly I don't have to worry about packing any wool sweaters. Can't wait to go home and eat some of Mom's cooking. Maybe she'll make me some egg rolls. :D
Enjoy your time off everyone!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
A log of search terms...
Wow, didn't think it would happen today. I logged in to see that my blog had it's 5000th visit today thanks to someone who's service resides in Connecticut.
While the blog is almost two years old, I didn't really start writing regularly until earlier this year.
To mark the visit to my blog (mostly thanks to a small group of regulars), I thought it would be fun to show some of the search terms that have brought random visitors here whether it be for less than a second or for several minutes. I wished I had saved some of the ones from earlier in the year - there were a couple strange ones.
General dating questions:
"meaning of mixed signals in romance"
"'match.com' 'my place: no answer'"
"what is the normal time to date before becoming boyfriend and girlfriend??"
"eharmony criticism"
"formal way of saying 'paying for dinner'"
"cynical about relationship"
"'have an asian fetish' yuck"
"relationship with liar and mommys boy"
"dating 'he never asks me any questions '"
"women seeking Asian men in nyc"
"'dear abby' 'meeting people' volunteering"
"prefer dating younger women"
"interracial asian"
"wingman responsibilities"
"charisma arts"
Marriage stuff:
"spring chinese good weddings"
"the secret widows"
General social questions:
"sift through people"
"social butterfly wedding consultant started 2006"
"underestimating yourself"
Cultural topics:
"taiwanese are lazy"
"what does winter holidays mean"
"yul people magazine's sexiest men"
"clothing short pants asian woman 0 'extra small'"
"spitty baby"
"rh negative supernatural"
"poking yourself with a needle during a polygraph test"
"sex trans"
Random mystery topics:
"juggler method vs mystery method"
"chemistry comes alive hmtd pictures"
"TEASING NEEDLES MANUFACTURES IN EUROPE"
And the one where more context would be helpful (and how did this match my blog?):
"'cousin' 'naked with each other'"
While the blog is almost two years old, I didn't really start writing regularly until earlier this year.
To mark the visit to my blog (mostly thanks to a small group of regulars), I thought it would be fun to show some of the search terms that have brought random visitors here whether it be for less than a second or for several minutes. I wished I had saved some of the ones from earlier in the year - there were a couple strange ones.
General dating questions:
"meaning of mixed signals in romance"
"'match.com' 'my place: no answer'"
"what is the normal time to date before becoming boyfriend and girlfriend??"
"eharmony criticism"
"formal way of saying 'paying for dinner'"
"cynical about relationship"
"'have an asian fetish' yuck"
"relationship with liar and mommys boy"
"dating 'he never asks me any questions '"
"women seeking Asian men in nyc"
"'dear abby' 'meeting people' volunteering"
"prefer dating younger women"
"interracial asian"
"wingman responsibilities"
"charisma arts"
Marriage stuff:
"spring chinese good weddings"
"the secret widows"
General social questions:
"sift through people"
"social butterfly wedding consultant started 2006"
"underestimating yourself"
Cultural topics:
"taiwanese are lazy"
"what does winter holidays mean"
"yul people magazine's sexiest men"
"clothing short pants asian woman 0 'extra small'"
"spitty baby"
"rh negative supernatural"
"poking yourself with a needle during a polygraph test"
"sex trans"
Random mystery topics:
"juggler method vs mystery method"
"chemistry comes alive hmtd pictures"
"TEASING NEEDLES MANUFACTURES IN EUROPE"
And the one where more context would be helpful (and how did this match my blog?):
"'cousin' 'naked with each other'"
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Diary of a Pissed-Off Asian Woman
Diary of a Pissed-Off Asian Woman: BAAAWK-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk
Awesome... a kindred spirit in the mysterious, annoying, and awkward quest of life.
Awesome... a kindred spirit in the mysterious, annoying, and awkward quest of life.
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